Violence

I just can’t take it, sitting still and pretending that nothing is going on and that everything is ok and just the way it is supposed to while the neighbour is beating the shit out of his girlfriend. I just can’t take it. I wont take it. So Saturday night I simply walked over to the neighbour’s house to check on the girl who were screaming out in pain and sobbing loud enough so that the whole camp could hear it. Not to forget I had a hen to pluck with her bastard boyfriend who was swinging his fists at her trembling body.

I found her sitting on the floor in their room next to the door. Tears were streaming down her beautiful face and her big, brown eyes were filled with fear, sorrow and pain. As I laid my hand on hers and asked her how she was holding on her body shook like a tree in a storm the only sound that came out through her lips was a semi-silent howl. So I sat there with her for a while, holding her hand, stroking her cheek, wiping her tears while whispering that she is better than that. That no one should ever beat her. That she deserves better no matter what she did or said. I also told her that if it ever happens again- I will call the police.
As the sobbing grew more silent and the tears declined I left her and went to speak with her boyfriend. I found him in the dark, sitting under a tree in the yard He looked bothered and somewhat ashamed. I asked him, in a gentle tone, what the fuzz was about. Staring down in the ground he claimed to be her big-brother, saying he beat her in order to keep her out of trouble and running around with boys. That he was afraid that something would happen to her and that she knew better and should stay home and in school, not fool around like that. So I told him that I understood him but that there are better ways of dealing with your loved ones when they do wrong then beating them. That beating her will only make her fear him and in the end it will make her hate him and I guess he did not whish for that. And I asked him how he would feel if he got beaten for something he did wrong or for something others thought were wrong. “ I would not like it”, he said, his eyes still looking deep into the ground. “ No, you would not”, I replied and told him to go inside, give the girl a hug, tell her that he loves her and tell her that “I’m sorry”. So I left him, with some final words: “If I ever hear you beat her again I will call the police” and I went back to our house.

The sad thing is that when we leave there is no one to stand up for this girl, no one to stand up against this boy. Cause it is a part of everyday life here. It is the way they are brought up. The only way they know to deal with things. Violence is normal somehow. And I hate it. I hate it so much. But most of all I hate the fact that I can’t do much about it. I feel so powerless. So incredible helpless that it makes me cry and cry and cry some more. As I wrote the last time – sometimes this place really gets to me and crawls under my skin, and it turns me in to this bitchy, frustrated, angry, upset, sad and miserable person. Suddenly everything is just awful, negative and bad. Everything and everyone sucks which leads to that I take it out on those closest to me (this time that someone being Erika), and then I just end up with hating my self so much because I hurt the people I love the most because I feel so guilty about everything and nothing. And I constantly feel like I never do enough or that all the things I do somehow does not matter or makes a difference – or it does not make enough of a difference that is. There is still so much I would like to do, so many people I whish I could help, so many people that I really want to help but whom I can not help simply because I do not have the resources (that being time, love, money or any other thing for that matter) or the knowledge how to. Some days the feeling of not having the ability and opportunity to help and change it all makes me want to stay in bed and just do nothing.

But as much as I know that it might not help other than for a brief moment – I will never take it. I will not tolerate violence, not ever. I will never sit still. I will never accept it. I will never pretend that I do not know what is going on. I will never be silent and keep my mouth shut. I will interfere. I will speak up. I will shout out loud and I will cry. I will try to help as much as I can. Because I have to. Because I care. Because I could not live with my self, knowing that I did nothing. So at least, I did something. I do something. I just need to remember that I can’t do everything, and that something sometimes is more than enough, even for me 

With love and despair from Buduburam,

Yours T.

Mamma: Fint om du kan fortsette å hjelpe meg med å lete litt etter leilighet, ikke alltid så lett med internet her. Eventuellt kan du søke på studentrom til meg på Ålidhem da jeg kommer til å lese minst 10 poeng under det kommende året (burde vel regnes som student da eller???). Billig er i alle fall bra! Savner deg og gleder meg til å se deg igjen og fortelle deg om alt det fine jeg har og er med om her. Kyss og klem fra en lykkelig lillepus!
PS: Alle hilser så masse, spesielt Samuel og den afrikanske mamman min. Du har en stor og fin familie som venter på deg her nå!

Pappa: Så mye å fortelle deg, du får ta deg en tur over grensa når jeg har kommet meg hjem og fått et sted å bo! Glad i deg! Klem til dere alle der hjemme i nord 

Storebror: Hvordan går det med lille familien som snart blir litt større? Gleder meg til å bli tante igjen jeg, og hvem vet – du kanskje blir onkel en dag du også  Klem klem

Monica: Tack för varma ord och tankar! Hoppas du har det fint och att du gör bra i från dig på det nya jobbet. Vi ses snart! Kram kram

John: I meant the first one of course :)Heaps of love to you and yours!

Marre: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….du måste komma till Umeå ASAP efter det jag kommit hem – OK??? Miss you! xoxo

Madde: That goes for you to baby, så mycket att berätta nu! Love you! PUSS!!!

Per: Beach-wedding 2009??? Håper du har det best i Thailand sammen med din kjære Jeab! Klem til dere begge to.

Åsa og Annika: Skicka mig era midja- och höftmått samt längd från höft till knä så kanske det blir några fina överraskningar på er när jag kommer hem igen  Hälsa Ola och Tommy. KRAM!!!

Mamma: Behøver ditt midje og hoftemål også, samt lengde fra hofte til kne. Mamma skal bli afrikafin hun også vet jeg! Suss på nesn 

To all the rest of you: ME LOVE YOU A LONG, LONG TIME!